Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Humor

All this humor is clean. All of it is original; meaning none of it was taken from other sites. I have compiled a list of links, including humor sites here (under construction). Most of the images here are screen captures, thanks to my sister Halas. Others may be images I have saved from other websites.

If you want to submit a caption, you can by emailing or PMing me the caption (please make sure you specify which picture it's for -- numbers are provided for your convenience). Or if you have an image to go with a caption (or a photo manip), I also welcome those!







1





Arwen just saw Legolas walk by… --hobbitgirl



Eat your heart out, Eowyn! --Shalar




2





…years old? --hobbitgirl



“Ooh, I love the smell of metal!” --Shalar



Legolas fights laughter as Aragorn delivers his pre-battle rallying speech to the Rohan warriors, unaware that his zipper is down and everyone can see his The Hulk undershorts. --LegolasLover



3




“Saruman, this is for the time you gassed the entire class with your crazy sulphur experiment!” --hobbitgirl



CHEESE! --Gordie



"CHEEEESE! Ooh, I love CHEESE!" --Gordie



4




Faramir knew he was going insane as he saw Boromir fly across the sky in Santa’s sleigh and decided to bring it down. --hobbitgirl



“Man, are they ugly!” --Shalar



5




Ah-choo! --hobbitgirl



*whine* --Shalar



"I do believe I can see my nose!" --hobbitgirl



*whining* "Are we there yet? I have to go to the bathroom. I'm hungry. I'm bored. Gimli touched me! Aragornnnnnnn...!!!" --Shalar & Gordie



Legolas regrets letting Aragorn talk him into babysitting the hobbits.

Frodo: Legolas? I gotta go!

Sam: Legolas, can you carry me?

Pippin: Legolas! I'm hungry-y-y-y!

Merry: Legolas, look! I got a boogie!! --LegolasLover



6




Pippin: “What candy?”

Merry: “Ahem…Pippin?”

Frodo: “Don’t believe him, he took it all.” --hobbitgirl



Merry passes gas...

Pippin: That wasn't me!

Frodo: Whew! Who did that? --Gordie



7




Whoa, cool! A lightsaber! --Shalar



Aragorn always had a strange fascination with glowing objects. --hobbitgirl



8




Legolas found the secret stash of marshmallows. --LegolasLover



“Wow, Aragorn, this energy gum actually gives you ENERGY!” --hobbitgirl



Legolas's Smeagol-look. --Shalar



9




“Do you think this look will impress Arwen?” --LegolasLover



“Legolas, what did you do?” --Halas



"Do you have to be such a smart aleck?" --Shalar



"You're going to do WHAT?" --Shalar & Gordie



Aragorn amuses Legolas with his Elrond impression. --Jordan



10




Boromir: “That looks nasty.”

Aragorn: “Heeeeeey, you didn’t say you were going to do that to my car!” --hobbitgirl



Boromir has indigestion and Aragorn swallowed a bug. --Gordie



11




Aragorn’s wicked side: revealed. --hobbitgirl



12




*thinking* "Ew, elf germs... where are the Clorox wipes?" --hobbitgirl



“I asked for gold on this.” --Shalar



13




“I’ve already had a bad day, so if you even so much as think about making it any worse…” --Shalar



“Boromir, I stopped believing in Santa 37 years ago.” --hobbitgirl



14




Aragorn: I had the worse day ever!

Legolas: *laughing* It was just a rat! --Shadowfax



Legolas is blissfully unaware that Aragorn's sword is going to smack him. --hobbitgirl



15




Gollum: “We will serve the master of the donuts.”

Sam: “Look, Mr. Frodo, the donut man’s coming.”

Frodo: “Oh, Sam, I’ve already had too many donuts.” --hobbitgirl



While the others in the group admire the fireworks display, Frodo suffers from a stomach ache after eating too much cotton candy and hot dogs... --Shalar



16




“Must have donuts!” --Halas and hobbitgirl

(Referring to an inside joke between Halas and hobbitgirl that everyone is obsessed with donuts.)



17




“Did you bring us donutses?” --Halas and hobbitgirl



18




“Please, all we wants is donuts!” --Halas and hobbitgirl



19




“Hey, those are my donuts!” --Halas and hobbitgirl



20




“Frodo has a donut?!” --Halas and hobbitgirl



21




And here we have Smeagol, aka Gollum, showing us the correct way to pronounce “donut”. Okay, everybody, “DO-NUT”. --Halas and hobbitgirl



22




“We can’t resist the call of the donut!” --Halas and hobbitgirl



23




Anyone care to explain why Frodo is trying to fly away from Sam and Gollum? --hobbitgirl



24




“Give up the donuts or I burp in your face!” --Halas and hobbitgirl



25




And this, boys and girls, is why we chew our food thoroughly. --hobbitgirl



26




“You ate all the donuts?” --Halas and hobbitgirl



27




Another invisible Frodo? --hobbitgirl



28




“Hurry, I can smell donuts!” --Halas and hobbitgirl



29




Guess what Legolas and Aragorn just saw? The donut shop! --Halas and hobbitgirl



30




“Did you ever read the ingredients on this donut box?” --hobbitgirl



31




“Do I see Krispy Kreme?” --Halas and hobbitgirl



32




“Whoo hoo! The Krispy Kreme light’s on!” --Halas and hobbitgirl



A little story made by my sister Halas












36




“Oh no! The peas slipped off the spoon!” --hobbitgirl



37




“Don’t believe a word he says. I see a Halfling’s donuts in his pocket.” --hobbitgirl



38




No comment. (Thanks to Halas for this photo manipulation.)



39




No wonder Sam was trying to get Frodo to eat more. He was literally wasting away to nothing! --hobbitgirl



40




New meaning to the story title “The Dead Hand.” --hobbitgirl



41




“I’m a big scary monster!” --Halas and hobbitgirl



42




Now, this is annoying. While their friends are fighting and creating a diversion and practically killing themselves, Sam takes a nap and Frodo gives Gollum invisible piggyback rides. --hobbitgirl



43




“I so proud of meself.” --hobbitgirl



44




“Look, Mom, I get a caption!” --hobbitgirl



45




No comment. (This was just a really odd transition between the video game Frodo and Elijah.)



46




Peter failed to explain to Miranda that Grima was going to follow her everywhere. --hobbitgirl



Saruman: “BOO!” --hobbitgirl



47




Check out Orlando’s shoes! (Thanks to Halas again for the photo manipulation.)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Aragorn Bio




Aragorn (played by Viggo Mortenson) is the heir of Isildur. He is of the race of Men and he doubts himself, however he always steps up to the plate and is never a slacker.

He is first introduced to the hobbits as the dark, mysterious Strider whom they come to trust as he leads them through the wild to Rivendell. After Frodo is stabbed by the Witch King with a Morgul blade on Weathertop, Aragorn heals him as much as he can, then hands him over to Arwen. At the Council of Elrond, he is the second to volunteer his services as Frodo’s protector. His destiny as the future King of Gondor is also revealed by Legolas during this time. He leaves Rivendell with eight other companions. After Gandalf's fall and escaping the Balrog in Moria, he becomes the Fellowship’s guide and leads them to the woods of Lothlorien where Galadriel equips them with boats. At Parth Galen, Frodo and Sam set off for Mordor alone and Boromir dies. Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli continue on after the kidnapped Merry and Pippin.

On their journey, they meet the Riders of Rohan, who give them two horses and tell them that they have killed all the Uruk-hai who were carrying the Halflings. Still keeping hope, the three keep on and come to the piles of burning Uruk-hai carcasses. Aragorn discovers traces of the two hobbits and follows their trail into Fangorn Forest. In Fangorn, they meet with the resurrected Gandalf (who is now Gandalf the White).

Gandalf tells the trio that Merry and Pippin are safe so the now four go on to Edoras. After releasing Theoden from Saruman’s hold, Aragorn urges the King to fight Saruman. Theoden refuses however and decides to take refuge in Helm’s Deep where there is much more safety. On the trip to Helm’s Deep, they are ambushed by warg-riders and Aragorn is swept off a cliff. Brego brings him back to consciousness after he dreams of Arwen. Aragorn rides Brego to Helm’s Deep where he suggests that Theoden call for Gondor’s assistance. Theoden again refuses Aragorn’s suggestions and the battle of Helm’s Deep is only won by Rohan because the Riders of Rohan (led by Gandalf) come to their aid at the last minute.

After defeating the massive Uruk-hai army, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and Gandalf go to Isengard where they find Merry and Pippin “sitting on a field of victory”. Treebeard and the Ents have conquered Saruman and his armies and the “filth of Saruman is beginning to wash away” via the released Isen River that Saruman had dammed. Pippin finds a palantir and Gandalf quickly takes it from him. Then they take the hobbits to Edoras with them. There Legolas and Aragorn talk of Sauron’s increasing forces and Legolas tells Aragorn that Sauron is here. The explanation is Pippin peering into the palantir. As a result, Gandalf leaves with Pippin for Gondor.

It is assumed that Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, and Merry merely enjoy themselves until Gondor lights the beacon and Theoden decides to respond and ride to help them. Elrond meets Aragorn there with the reforged Narsil and gives it to him, counseling him. The eve before the great battle of Pelennor Fields, Aragorn leaves with Legolas and Gimli for Dwimorberg, the haunted mountain. There Aragorn shows the King of the Dead the reforged sword of the long-dead King of Gondor and requests that the cursed dead aid him; in return, Aragorn offers them their oaths fulfilled. The dead, led by Aragorn, then defeat the pirate orcs and sail up to Pelennor Fields, welcomed by the armies of Sauron, mistaken for reinforcement. The armies of Sauron are very surprised, however when Aragorn leaps from the black ships and leads an army of ghosts, conquering the enemy. Aragorn holds their oaths fulfilled and the cursed dead are finally able to rest in peace.

Aragorn then leads the collaborated races as a distraction to Sauron, hoping to buy Frodo and Sam the precious time they need to get to the Crack of Doom. The ploy works and Sauron is defeated. Aragorn then becomes the King of Gondor and takes Arwen as his wife.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Boromir Bio




Boromir (played by Sean Bean) is the first son of Denethor, the Steward of Gondor. He went to the Council of Elrond to represent Gondor and volunteered his services although he initially wanted to take the Ring to his father and use it against Sauron. While climbing up Caradharas, Frodo slips and the Ring and chain fall over his head. Boromir picks it up and is tempted to keep it, but Aragorn calmly insists that he give it back to Frodo. He did so reluctantly, appearing shaken at the effect it had on him.


He fought valiantly in Moria and defended the hobbits after Gandalf fell then was cut deeply by the words Galadriel had spoken to him through telepathy. At Parth Galen, he tries to take the Ring from Frodo by force but is taken off guard when Frodo puts it on and disappears. He becomes angry then realizes his mistake. He pleads for forgiveness, but Frodo has already run away.


During the surprise attack of Uruk-hai, he guards Merry and Pippin and bravely takes three of Lurtz’s arrows. He lives to tell Aragorn he is sorry and that Merry and Pippin have been taken. After he dies, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli place him in a boat with his shield and sword and allow it to float over the waterfall.

Frodo Bio




Frodo Baggins (played by Elijah Wood) is Bilbo’s young nephew who dreams of being like his uncle and having many adventures. Frodo is first seen reading in the woods. He hears Gandalf singing and runs to meet him. The two greet each other and Frodo rides along with the wizard for awhile, then jumps off the wagon. Next he is seen, he is dancing at the Long-Expected Party. He is having fun then appears only slightly confused when Bilbo vanishes. He comes home later that night to find Bilbo gone and Gandalf sitting in front of the fireplace. He receives condolence and instruction from Gandalf, as well as receiving the One Ring from him. He is also informed that Bag End is now his. When Gandalf returns, Frodo learns of all the information known to Gandalf about the One Ring and understands that he must leave the Shire. Samwise Gamgee is caught eavesdropping and as a “punishment” is sent with Frodo. Frodo is warned to stay off the roads. As Frodo and Sam are wandering about in Farmer Maggot’s crops, they are mauled by Merry and Pippin, Frodo’s cousins. Merry and Pippin have been raiding Farmer Maggot’s crops and are being pursued. They run and Sam unintentionally bumps them off a ledge and they tumble down a hill onto the road. As his friends pick mushrooms, Frodo realizes that they are on the road and calmly says that they should get off. Suddenly, the danger of standing on the road is so clear to him that he insists they get off the road and they hide under a root. Soon, a Black Rider appears and Frodo feels a strong urge to put on the Ring but Sam stops him, preventing the Rider from finding him. Now Merry, Pippin, and Sam are aware of the urgency and danger of this trip and Merry leads them to Bucklebury Ferry. They are pursued by four Black Riders and Frodo barely makes it onto the ferry. Then they go to Bree and the Prancing Pony Inn where they are to meet Gandalf. Frodo goes under an assumed name, hoping to hide himself from the Black Riders, who are searching for “Baggins”. Butterbur informs them that he hasn’t seen Gandalf in six months and the hobbits lose some hope. Frodo wants to believe that Gandalf will show up, but is not sure himself. Again, Frodo feels the urge to put on the Ring but is interrupted by Pippin who is revealing Frodo’s real name. He runs over to stop him but Pippin knocks him off his feet and the Ring flies into the air. It falls onto his finger and he vanishes from everyone’s sight. However, he is actually being seen by Sauron who speaks to him. He pulls the Ring off and the mysterious Strider grabs him and takes him up to his room. There Frodo learns that Strider knows of the Ring and of the Ringwraiths pursuing him. That night, the four hobbits sleep in Strider's room as the Ringwraiths try to find them in the hobbits’ room. Strider gives the hobbit’s the history and intent of the Wraiths.


Strider leads them from Bree to Rivendell and breaks at Weathertop where Frodo falls asleep. When he wakes up, he finds that the other three have built a fire and have made supper. Frodo realizes that fire will draw the attention of the Nazgul and tells them to put it out while stamping on it. They look over the ledge and see that the Wraiths are coming up.


They run to a higher table and try to fight the Nazgul but are unsuccessful. Frodo puts on the Ring and sees the faces of the Ringwraiths. Then, the Witch King stabs his shoulder. Strider begins fighting them and Frodo pulls the Ring off. Sam rushes to his side and Frodo begins passing under shadow -- he would soon become a Wraith. Strider heals him as much as he can then starts to take him to Rivendell. Sam has his doubts as to if he will make it but before long Arwen shows up, heals him even more than Strider could and takes him with her. They are pursued by the Nazgul but Arwen sweeps them downstream. Frodo passes beyond her healing and she asks that whatever grace is given her, let it pass to him. Elrond heals him fully and Frodo wakes up in Rivendell in a big bed with Gandalf at his side. Frodo asks where Gandalf was in Bree and Gandalf dismisses him with a simple reply. Then Sam comes in, expressing his worry during the time Frodo was unconscious.


Soon Frodo is able to get up and after he is reunited with Merry and Pippin, finds Bilbo. Bilbo and he talk and Frodo expresses a little regret for leaving the Shire, stating that he is not like Bilbo. Afterward, Frodo finds Sam packing and the two talk a bit before Frodo decides that the Ring is safe in Rivendell and that they would go back. But during the Council of Elrond, Frodo volunteers to take it to Mount Doom although he “does not know the way”. Then Strider (now known as Aragorn), Boromir, Gandalf, Legolas and Gimli volunteer to go with him. Sam jumps out of the bushes claiming, “Mr. Frodo’s not going anywhere without me”. Elrond handles it light-heartedly. They are even more surprised as Merry and Pippin burst into the room, wanting to go along as well. Elrond allows it. Before departing, Frodo accepts a few gifts from Bilbo: his old sword, Sting, that glows whenever orcs are near and a mithril shirt. Bilbo sees the Ring and asks to hold it but Frodo knows what it will do to him and takes it out of Bilbo’s sight. Bilbo almost attacks him for it then apologizes for everything.


Soon the nine companions depart. They are spied on by crebain from Isengard then go up Mount Caradharas. Frodo takes a tumble and the Ring’s chain slips over his head. Boromir picks it up and Aragorn helps Frodo stand. The Aragorn makes Boromir give it back to Frodo. Frodo grabs it puts it over his head, slipping the Ring inside his shirt. They continue until Saruman makes snow and rocks fall near them then Gandalf lets Frodo decide where to go next. Frodo settles on Moria.


Outside Moria, Gandalf finally gives up on trying to open the door and Frodo asks what the Elvish word for ‘friend’ is, as part of the instructions is to “speak ‘friend’ and enter’. Gandalf tells him and the doors open. They walk in gladly and are disturbed to find that all the Dwarves have been killed by “goblin” arrows. They go to leave and take another route but suddenly Frodo is grabbed around the ankle by the Watcher. After a battle there, Legolas shoots the Watcher’s eye, giving them time to hurry inside. The Watcher pulls down the doorway on top of itself, leaving them only one choice to walk through Moria. Gandalf cannot recall the way so they stop for awhile. Frodo notices movement and tells Gandalf. Gandalf replies that it is the creature Gollum and that he has been following them for three days. They have a small talk about the importance of the mission then Gandalf figures out the way by smelling fresh air. They then find Balin’s tomb. Gandalf reads their log and how the goblins were coming, with drums, and not being able to get out. Pippin touches a skeleton and the head falls off and falls down a well, making a terrible racket. Then the rest of the body and a bucket fall in. After Pippin is scolded, the drums start. Frodo half-draws Sting to see that it is glowing blue. Boromir runs to shut the doors and is shot at. The hobbits are kept safe behind Gandalf. They fight them bravely and Frodo is stabbed by the cave troll. Legolas kills the cave troll and Sam rolls Frodo over. Frodo is alive! Then they race to Khazad-dûm. There Gandalf falls with the Balrog.


Frodo takes it hard but Aragorn insists they must keep going to Lorien. They do and Gimli warns the hobbits of an Elf-witch. Then Frodo is startled by a voice in his head, which calls him by his name. After a run-in with Haldir, they meet Galadriel and Celeborn. Again, Galadriel speaks to Frodo through telepathy. That night, she calls to him and he meets her down at the mirror. He looks into it and it shocked to see all his friends turning away from him. Then he sees the Shire burning, enslaved hobbits, and then the Eye. The Ring pulls him closer to the mirror but finally he grabs it and falls backward. He stands up and Galadriel comments on the Ring. Frodo offers it to her and she has a strange transformation, showing what the Ring can do to one. Then she tells Frodo only he can destroy the Ring. He must do it because no one else can. This task was appointed to him. Before leaving Lorien, Galadriel gives Frodo the light of Earendil, to be a light in dark places. Then the Fellowship departs in boats. They stop at Parth Galen and Frodo wanders alone. Boromir finds him and tries to take the Ring, first by tactic then by force. Frodo slips on the Ring, vanishes from Boromir and runs. But while he has the Ring on, he cannot run from Sauron. It only makes him more visible. He finally tears it off his finger and falls off the top of Amon Hen. Aragorn finds him there and Frodo is scared that he will try and take it too but Aragorn understands and tells Frodo that if he is to run, he must do it now. Frodo decides to go on alone and Aragorn tells him to run, as Sting is glowing again. So Frodo does run to the boats and recalls Gandalf’s advice. He pushes off but Sam has followed. Frodo tells him to go back but he doesn’t; instead he follows and almost drowns. Frodo pulls him into the boat and the two go on together.


Later, Frodo dreams of Gandalf and wakes up saying his name. Sam asks him what the matter is but Frodo just says it was nothing -- just a dream. They continue walking and Frodo admits that they’re lost. Sam asks if he can smell the bog and Frodo says that they aren’t alone. They pretend to sleep, enticing Gollum to come near and find the Ring. Once he is within reach, Frodo and Sam grab him. After quite a struggle, they are finally able to tame him. Sam begins to lead him with a rope but Gollum insists that it burns/freezes his neck. So Gollum asks that they take it off; promising to serve the master of “the Precious”. He then swears on the Precious. Knowing that Gollum knows the Ring is treacherous, Frodo believes him and asks the creature to lead them to the Black Gates.


Gollum leads them into the Dead Marshes where he tells them not to follow the lights. But Frodo has already begun to follow one and is staring at a dead man when the man opens his eyes. Frodo falls in and dead people reach out to him and the Ring. Gollum drags him out. That night, Frodo talks to Gollum about being Sméagol in the past. Finally, they get to the Black Gate, but it is closed. Gollum offers to take them another way and Frodo accepts, despite Sam’s objections.


A day or two later, Frodo wanders away, apparently hearing something. He finds oliphaunts and Easterlings. Gollum tells them that Sauron has called them and is building an army. Then they are captured by hooded Men. Soon, Frodo and Sam learn that the captain is Faramir, Boromir’s brother. That night, Faramir takes Frodo to the Forbidden Pool where a strange creature is diving and catching fish. Frodo instantly recognizes him as Gollum but hesitates to tell Faramir until Faramir almost signals his men to shoot. Faramir then allows Frodo to go down to him and convince him to come. Tricked, Frodo is appalled when Faramir’s men slip a hood over Gollum’s head. Eventually, Faramir finds out that Frodo has the One Ring and would like to take it and do what his brother could not but Sam stands up for Frodo.


Faramir takes them to Osgiliath where Frodo feels the call of Sauron. Faramir realizes the dire danger he is in when Frodo is almost taken away by a Ringwraith’s fell beast. Then he lets them go on alone.


Frodo’s obsession with the Ring becomes more obvious as the journey continues. He now is up at night, stroking it, and hides it from Sam and Gollum jealously. Frodo also protects Gollum from Sam when Sam claims to have overheard Gollum making plans to kill them both. Before climbing the stairs of Cirith Ungol, Frodo almost surrenders himself to the Ringwraiths at Minas Morgul because of the Ring’s calling. One time, Frodo wakes up to Sam accusing Gollum of sneaking. Then Sam discovers that their precious lembas bread is gone, and insists that Gollum has taken it. Gollum defends himself, saying he hates the stuff and Frodo agrees. Not once had the creature touched the bread. Then Gollum points out that Sam has lembas crumbs on his cloak. It appears to Frodo that Sam has eaten it. Gollum has also told him that Sam wants the Ring for himself. Exhausted, Frodo sits down heavily. Sam knows it’s the Ring and offers to carry it for him. Instantly, Frodo suspects that he wants it for himself and jumps to his feet, telling Sam to go home.


He and Gollum continue on to the top where there is a tunnel that stinks. He doesn’t want to go in but Gollum tells him he must go in or go back. Knowing he can’t go back, Frodo goes in and is very afraid when Gollum disappears. He falls into something very sticky. He uses the light of Earendil to see and he sees a giant spider -- Shelob. He runs from her and gets stuck in a web that is strung across the tunnel. He uses Sting to cut himself out and chases Gollum. They fight and Frodo manages to throw him over a small cliff. He walks on and falls. He sees Galadriel in a vision and gets back to his feet. He hears some scuffling then is stung by Shelob. She wraps him up. After Sam comes back and kills Shelob, orcs carry Frodo up into the tower of Cirith Ungol where they take his top half of clothing.


Frodo is convinced that they have also taken the Ring and tells Sam this when Sam gets in after the orcs kill themselves off. Sam then proceeds to show Frodo that he has taken it after he thought Frodo died. Frodo takes it back and the two march out in orc armor. Eventually they take it off, not only because they are far away enough from the orcs but because the heat of Mount Doom is far too much to bear. At one point Frodo can’t go any further and Sam has to carry him. Gollum finds them and jumps on them. They all begin to fight and Frodo comes back around. While Sam protects Frodo, Frodo runs up the rest of the way where Sam finds him later. He almost throws it in but then he decides to keep it and puts it on. But Gollum attacks him and bites off his finger. After the Ring is destroyed, Frodo is carried by the eagles to safety.


He remains in Minas Tirith for Aragorn’s coronation but he heads for home with Sam, Merry, and Pippin soon afterward. There, he writes his book. Then he sails for the Undying Lands with Bilbo, Gandalf, Elrond, Galadriel, and Celeborn.